fresh_flesh14

 change my bones...
my huge, wide hip bones.
no matter how much i loose i will always have
WIDE
UGLY
hips


my boyfriend said that he liked my hips cause they are sexy curves....
EW!
i don't fucking want curves.


wow i just want to sleep and wake up with a tiny bone structure!

 111.5 lbs

:]

Zoe ;] 
the name means life.

 now everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner."

oh if only i was getting super skinny...i hope i am. i can't tell anymore, because everyone says i am so skinny but i just don't see it.
i want to look at myself and SEE the improvement.
ah well good news i have been working out almost everyday whether it's on the wii fit or the gym so that makes me really happy.
i just want to be toned and skinny skinny by graduation :]

i am 114 lbs again (i went up to 117 for a while:( )...i plan on loosing those 4 stinking pounds by this time next week!

all the bathing suits in stores are really great motivation cause i WILL look good in a bathing suit this summer, i will!

 more than i should eat in a week...in one day...actually one meal.
EW!
i feel sick to my stomach because i have not ate this much food in forever :(
i always eat when i am not hungry either.
i HATE that

i wasn't hungry but just because there was vegan food available today i binged.
i feel so huge, i just have to remember how incredibly sick i feel right now so i don't ever do this again

NEVER NEVER again!
bah

 i just weighed and i am 117

ugh!
seriously?!

i didn't eat at all today, except for a hand full of pretzels

sad day...maybe it's all that water i drank.

hmmm
 

 :(
116 pounds

ugh.
i was at 112 and went back up to 116...lame.

i am going to write down my weight each day and see if it can help motivate me.
cause i won't eat if i know i'll be posting my weight publicly...i cannot go above 116 no no no no.

 Wellll i have not posted in forever :(
i really have missed being on here so much. i am have been so busy lately and haven't had a second to breathe.
which means i have been stressed....which equals weight gain ewww
i am at 117 and it sucks...
i am fasting till next sunday though cause i just feel so gross.

bah tons of scholarship deadlines are coming up and i am soo behind :/

ooh and just to add to all this glorious stress, my boyfriend of 14 months and i are hitting a really rocking part of a relationship.
i love him more than anything but i don't really know what to do right now, part of me wants a break yet i can't imagine my life without him there....
who knows.

this is a very random entry haha

<3 loves

 why do i always get left behind?

i have scoliosis. It's about a 53 degree curve but it looks way worse. i tend to forget about it until days like today...
i wore a fairly tight shirt to school and a kid behind me in spanish was like 'shit your right shoulder blade is sticking out way far."
:(
really?! i hadn't noticed thanks.
seriously why would someone just decide to point that out. just going around and pointing out people's deformities to the world...or my whole spanish class in this case.

i sometimes feel that my scoliosis is a physical representation of how twisted i feel inside.